Close your eyes. Take some deep breaths, and find your calm space. Imagine yourself waking up the next morning, and suddenly your life is exactly how you want it to be*. Explore your new world with curiosity and contentment. What do you notice is different? What is the same? Most importantly, how do you feel?
Now that you are in your miracle world, take a moment to open yourself to the possibilities of it. Make sure you are relaxed and comfortable and leaning into the idea that your life can be exactly what you want it to be. Continue to breathe. What problems are different? How were they solved? How are you a different person?
Make sure your world is complete and whole. Now I want you to ask yourself, “What do I need to do to make this my truth and existence?”
Here are some steps to take to start you on your journey to living with wholeness and purpose:
1.Accept your emotions. Your feelings are 100% valid and real, and they are full of energy and motion. If you try and squash your feelings, you are essentially taking living energy and trying to contain it. Have you ever had explosive reactions to events or situations? Did you notice that the stress and energy was building up over the day, only for those feelings to explode? That is called ‘emotional dysregulation’. It is OK to be angry, it is OK to cry! It is OK to use your anger to entice change or stand up for yourself. Numbing or suppressing feelings only results in pent up anger and the numbing of good emotions. If you find yourself in an emotional block, ask yourself, “What is this current state of being doing for me?” “How is it protecting me (in either good or bad ways)” “What would it mean if let go of this feeling?”. Getting through those emotional blocks are the first step in living a whole life.
2.Set your boundaries. Saying ‘no’ to someone else often means saying ‘yes’ to yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean saying no to everyone all of the time, but rather knowing what limits you have for certain things. You can only give to others what you have yourself, and once you start exhausting an empty tank, you will start to resent yourself and the people you are saying ‘yes’ to. Setting boundaries protects you from disliking others, disliking yourself, and keeping down stress. You can also set internal boundaries as well. Internal boundaries are that part of yourself that accepts or rejects expectations or beliefs other people have about you.
3.Know your values. We all live by 2-3 main values. When things in our life are not aligning with those values, we feel incongruent with ourselves. If something is causing you a significant amount of anxiety and discomfort, take a minute and see if what you are doing is accordance with your values. If it isn’t, figure out what needs to change for you to find congruence with yourself and your beliefs.
4.Live each day with purpose. There going to be things in your life that you cannot change. However, you can find purpose in it. It is possible to embrace the storm while also enjoying the sun and the warmth. You need to have contrast in other to truly feel both of those things. That also does not mean accepting things in your life that do not line up with your values and your goals. If you want things to move forward, then act upon it and believe in yourself. Find other people that believe in you as well. Sometimes the harder road has the most joy, and it may just be worth it to travel down.
5.Allow yourself to enjoy the small things. Do you love Christmas? Do you get extremely excited when pumpkin spice comes out? Enjoy reading young adult fantasy? Is cosplay and comic books your passion? It doesn’t matter what it is, allow yourself to enjoy those things, even if they are unpopular (or overly popular!). With that being said, allow others to find joy in their things as well. Don’t make fun of people for enjoying thing that may not be mainstream or ‘your thing’. There is plenty of joy in this world if you allow yourself and others to have it.
6.Be authentic. Be real, be authentic. Be who YOU are and not what others expect of you. Belong to yourself and no one else.
“You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all.” – Maya Angelou
Kylie Chaffin, Licensed Mental Health Counselor.
information from this blog is not intended to treat, diagnose, or substitute as therapy. If you have concerns regarding your mental health, please seek out treatment from a trained professional.
*The Miracle Question by Steve De Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg “Solution Focused Therapy. Most of my understanding and training regarding whole hearted living is from the works of Dr. Brené Brown (brenebrown.com), Dr. Maya Angelou, and Dr. Carl Young.