The Anxiety Loop: How to tell the difference between productive stress vs. toxic anxiety
Anxiety-even the word can make your heart pound! Right now we are living in a time when the collective “felt sense” of anxiety is almost constant. Identifying the difference between healthy stress and problematic anxiety is important because our society has a collective mindset that negative emotions must be avoided, and this in itself has created a lot of anxiety about having anxiety.
There is an underlying belief that we should stay away from situations that make us feel uncomfortable and focus our time and energy only on the things that make us happy or bring relief. It makes sense that if you just stay away from negative things then you should “feel better”. We spend a lot of money, time, and energy devoted to avoiding negative thoughts and emotions, but when we look around it is apparent this strategy is not working.
The flip side is that we can also get caught up in amplifying the anxiety in the hopes that if we give excessive attention to the thing we are worried about, that might somehow make it go away or bother us less. This attempt to control by giving our attention to the anxiety helps explain why we go down social media rabbit holes even when it doesn’t necessarily make us feel better.
The truth is that experiencing stress is a normal part of human living. The primary function of anxiety is to alert us that there is something important that needs our attention. This could be a friendship that is on the rocks, a financial situation that needs to be addressed, a too-busy schedule that leads to feeling irritable, or uncertainty about your job. The experience of feeling nervous or worried is an important internal signal that serves as a cue to pay attention or address something important.
So, if anxiety isn’t always a bad thing, how do you figure out what to do when it shows up? The first step is to consider what is leading to the intense emotions you are experiencing and if you are experiencing productive stress or toxic anxiety.
Productive Stress
Describes the nervous system response that gets us ready for a challenge. Stress sends a signal to our systems that something important is about to happen and can help us put a productive plan in place. We might have an increase in adrenaline which leads to a higher heart rate, body tension, upset stomach, or other uncomfortable body sensations. If you are a student and you have an important test coming up, the need to study is in the back of your mind and might lead to nagging worry. To decrease the tension, the student can plan a time to study and prepare. In this situation, the stress serves as a motivator to initiate a plan of action.
Most of the time when we are in a productive stress headspace, we will have lower levels of fear response, and the stress doesn’t cause major problems. You can still sleep at night. You can enjoy time with your friends and family. Your frustration response is at normal levels. You are working to meet challenges that come up or working toward important values and goals. There might be uncomfortable emotions or physical responses, but they are manageable.
The key thing to remember is that productive stress is related to “what is” in a situation, is present-centered, and is connected to situations you can take action to address.
Toxic Anxiety
Toxic anxiety, also known as excessive worry, is future-oriented and very creative. It takes the normal stress response to a situation and adds fear whether or not it is appropriate. This results in a “what if” pattern of thinking that plays out every catastrophic possibility.
Let’s go back to the student with the important test. They know that the test is coming up and set up a time to study-a healthy stress response to initiate action. They study for an appropriate amount of time. But rather than feeling satisfied with completing the task of studying, they begin to “what if” about the test:
“What if I only think I have studied enough, but I haven’t?”
“What if the things I am studying aren’t going to be on the test and then I fail because I didn’t know what to study.”
“What if my teacher wants me to do bad because they don’t like me?”
“What if my mind goes blank during the test and I don’t remember anything I studied? If my mind goes blank on this test then I won’t be able to graduate because I can’t figure out how to remember things for a test.”
You get the picture! This is known as an anxiety spiral. When we get caught up in this loop there is little focus on practical problem-solving and solutions and more on anticipating worst-case scenarios with no ending. The focus is entirely on “what ifing”. The mind thinks up all kinds of scenarios to worry about, things that may have no bearing on current reality. It creates a never-ending spiral of worry.
By staying in a state of unhelpful worry, a person can remain distracted from facing the real fear, the deeper issue. Therapy is about taking time to investigate why anxiety is showing up. If you can notice the cue of anxiety and address the deeper issue, it becomes a helpful ally rather than a foe to be resisted.
In the situation of the student mentioned above, we spent time in therapy sessions investigating what was driving the test anxiety. The student discovered that they were trying to avoid feeling sad if they did not meet the expectations of their father. The fear of disappointing their father was the anxiety cue. Once they understood why anxiety was showing up, we were able to address the underlying issue, and they became aware of other times this response happened.
When you notice that your nervous system is starting to ramp up with an anxiety buzz and persistent negative thinking, here are some practical steps you can take.
Calm the body: The first thing to do is take a deep breath. Then take another one. If possible take at least five deep, long breaths. The Vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in your body that starts at the brainstem and runs through all your major organs. When you take a deep breath, it activates this nerve, sending a signal to calm. Shallow breaths in the lungs signal danger. Slow breaths from the diaphragm signal calm. If you are in a calmer state you will be able to think more clearly and take the next steps.
Check your thinking: Anxiety demands that you consider every “what if” as a probable possibility. No matter how detached a thought is from reality, your mind will categorize it as a real threat and demand that you give it energy and attention. Two things you to ask yourself when your anxious mind is offering up negative thoughts: Is this thought true? Do I have reasonable proof? Is this thought helpful? Does it help me to live out my most meaningful values?
Challenge your fears: For toxic anxiety to exist, you must remain fearful. When you live in an anxiety loop the mental energy it takes to keep avoiding your fear becomes exhausting. The more you work to stay away from anxiety, the more restricted your life becomes. Talking with a caring friend or a licensed therapist in a safe environment can help you understand what is driving the fear.
Use compassionate self-talk: Be kind as you consider your anxiety. When you begin to be curious about anxiety rather than berate yourself for falling into the spiral again, you can learn to calm your system and then investigate what is at the heart of your worry. Talk to yourself with the same respect and kindness that you would show a good friend that you cared about and wanted to help.
With practice and the guidance of a licensed therapist, you can become aware of when you are at risk of slipping into toxic anxiety territory. By taking time to investigate your anxiety with a curious mindset you can begin to address it and understand how it can be a helpful emotional ally.
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