Your Emotional Life
- 5 Minute Read -
Understanding the role emotions play in our mental health is a key component of overall wellness. We generally classify feelings into two main categories of “primary and secondary emotions.” In counseling, a therapist will explore these emotional layers to help a client understand why they are experiencing specific emotions, how and where they feel them in their body, and ways to relate to their emotions so that they don’t hijack a situation. But what exactly are emotions, and how do they influence our actions?
Emotions are the internal signaling system in our body that gives us messages about the world around us. They're the cues that drive us toward the things that bring us joy and how we notice situations that make us uncomfortable. Emotions have a big impact on our lives because they affect how we think, make decisions, and interact with others. For example, feeling happy might make us want to share good news with friends, while feeling anxious might make us want to avoid certain situations. Emotions help us understand ourselves and connect with others, but for some, they can also be overwhelming and confusing.
Examples of Primary Emotions:
Primary emotions are our instinctual and immediate reactions to situations, often arising without conscious thought.
Happiness/Joy: A positive emotion associated with feelings, contentment, and satisfaction.
Surprise: A sudden and unexpected reaction to new or unexpected events or stimuli.
Pleasure: Feeling enjoyment and satisfaction in enjoyable activities, experiences, or stimuli.
Sadness: A negative emotion often linked to loss, disappointment, or unmet expectations.
Fear: An emotional response to perceived threats or danger, triggering a “fight-or-flight response.
Anger: A strong emotional reaction to perceived injustice, frustration, or threat to one's well-being.
Examples of Secondary Emotions:
Secondary emotions are often considered more complex, as they result from our interpretation of a primary emotion.
Inspiration: Being motivated and uplifted by someone or something, leading to creative or positive action.
Pride: A positive emotion associated with achievement, success, or a sense of self-worth.
Hope: An optimistic outlook or expectation for positive outcomes in the future.
Guilt: Stemming from the awareness of having done something wrong or violated personal values or societal norms.
Shame: A profound sense of embarrassment or humiliation, often tied to a perceived flaw or failure.
Jealousy: A complex emotion involving a mixture of insecurity, fear of loss, and resentment towards others.
Knowing the difference between primary and secondary emotions is important because it allows us to make decisions that align with our values. Primary emotions serve as our body's immediate response mechanism, alerting us to potential threats or rewards. “Secondary emotions, on the other hand, offer valuable insight into the underlying layers of why we are having an emotional response.” They provide us with an opportunity to explore the deeper roots of our feelings, uncovering patterns, beliefs, and triggers that influence our reactions.
The Benefits of Understanding Your Emotional Life
Emotional Regulation: Being able to understand and manage your emotions helps you regulate your responses to different situations. This means you can handle stress, conflicts, and challenges more effectively.
“Improved Relationships: Emotionally intelligent individuals are better at communicating their feelings and understanding others' emotions. This leads to healthier relationships, both personally and professionally.”
Better Decision-Making: Emotions can cloud judgment, leading to impulsive decisions. By understanding and controlling your emotions, you can make more rational and thoughtful choices.
Increased Empathy: Understanding your own emotions can make you more empathetic towards others' feelings and experiences. This fosters compassion and connection in relationships.
Stress Reduction: Being able to regulate emotions can reduce stress levels and promote relaxation. This can have positive effects on physical health as well.
“Conflict Resolution: Understanding why you are having an intense emotion allows for better conflict resolution skills.” Instead of reacting impulsively, you can respond calmly and constructively to conflicts, leading to more positive outcomes.
Good mental health means we experience both primary and secondary emotions and take the time to consider what these feelings are trying to signal. Our reactions to emotions influence how we get along with others, make choices, and feel overall. If we ignore these important signal senders, emotions can erupt into big reactions and lead to problems. But if we accept and understand our emotions, they can become a kind of signaling superpower.
For instance, if you feel a sense of sadness after talking with a friend, there may be something under the surface that needs to be addressed. Noticing you are feeling more confident at your job? Emotions are directing your energy toward increasing positive thoughts about yourself and your situation. Unresolved health issues can lead to increased anxiety, which is your mind's way of making sure you take time to make that doctor’s appointment and take care of your body.
Taking time to name and discuss primary and secondary emotions, can help us understand ourselves, relationships, and patterns of behavior. Next time you feel overwhelmed by strong emotions, pause for a moment to take a deep breath, reflect, and consider why the emotion is showing up.
Here are some questions you can consider:
Primary Emotions:
“What am I feeling right now? What is the immediate emotional response to this situation?”
“Why am I feeling this way? What triggered this emotional reaction?”
“How intense is this emotion? Is it overwhelming or manageable?”
“What physical sensations am I experiencing along with this emotion? How does it feel in my body?”
“Is this emotion familiar to me? Have I felt it before in similar situations?”
“What is the message or lesson behind this emotion? What is it trying to tell me about myself or the situation?”
Secondary Emotions:
“What thoughts or beliefs might be contributing to this secondary emotion?”
“How does this secondary emotion influence my behavior or reactions?”
“What can I learn from this secondary emotion about my needs, values, or boundaries?”
“How can I express and process this secondary emotion in a healthy way?”
“Are there any underlying triggers or past experiences that may be amplifying this secondary emotion?”
Therapy is a great place to practice these steps. A licensed mental health counselor has expert experience in noticing and naming emotions as well as training to help you uncover what might be impacting your emotional responses. With practice and guidance, you can harness the superpower of your emotional life!
Resources:
By Guy-Evans, O., on, U., & 9, O. (2023, October 9). Primary and secondary emotions: What’s the difference? Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/primary-and-secondary-emotions.html?utm_source=psychology.beehiiv.com&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=emotion-regulation-during-therapy
McAdam, E. (2022b, August 31). Primary vs. Secondary Emotions - skill #7. Therapy in a Nutshell. https://therapyinanutshell.com/primary-vs-secondary-emotions/
Here are additional book resources to learn more about your emotional superpower.
For Adults:
The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling And Start Living by Russ HarrisMaster Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings by Thibaut Meurisse For Young Readers:
My Body Sends a Signal: Helping Kids Recognize Emotions and Express Feelings by Natalie MaguireThe Color Monster: A Story About Emotions by Anna LlenasFor Older Kids and Teens:
Me and My Feelings: A Kids' Guide to Understanding and Expressing Themselves by Vanessa Green Allen M.Ed. NBCTThe DBT Workbook For Teens by Richard Bass